Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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