Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
pop tarts are not kleenex
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
