I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
