Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
