Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
