I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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