FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
pop tarts are not kleenex
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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