What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
