So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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