i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
