I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
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i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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