I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
