Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
