I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
