she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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