I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize