For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
