did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
