That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
