theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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