im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
