so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
