Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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