You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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