the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
