I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
