Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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