Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize