apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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