I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
