peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
