and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
