We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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