At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
