Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
