That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
bring money and cleavage
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
How external is "for external use only"?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
