I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
