Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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