Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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