I am midnight drunk by noon
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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