Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
