is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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