areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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