I'm really into asian looking animals
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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