my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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