it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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