If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
