My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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