6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
