You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
