My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
