why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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