go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
