Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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