last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
