Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
