I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
