tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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