Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
