How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
