I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
