I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
