my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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