apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
