I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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