i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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