I just pynch a tree in the face
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize