im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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