If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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