can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
