she pinky promised me she was 18
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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