You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
