Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you traded sex for a burrito?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
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