You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
