I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
