Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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