His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Come on in and take your pants off
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
