I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
this just has baby written all over it
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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