went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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