I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
