Someone shit on the floor
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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