i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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