Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
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The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
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So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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