I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
