My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes