Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Remember the time you cried about coconuts