Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
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I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
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I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.