You really coming over, don't trick.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
