He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
