Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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