I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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